Slave To The Traffic Light

Well, due to such overwhelming response and yelling from several individuals about an update, I've decided to finally update after a month long hiatus. December was well, lackluster to say the least. Several events and a couple of activities unfolded that did induce happiness and rounded out a rather mediocre and ho-hum year, which I used to chalk up on the yearly toteboard as 2005 ended and 2006 began. Here is a brief account of what when on:

• After finishing finals, I flew to Providence, RI to train for work for 1 day, proceeded by flying to Walt Disneyworld for a mini-vacation with 3 of my favorite co-workers (pics follow below).
• I finally moved out of the hell-hole that was 7838 Camino Noguera. The condo and my annoying-ass roommates can now go to hell. I am now unfortunately living back home with my parents, but at least it'll be just temporary.
  
• I was high practically everyday from smoking the dank shit my sister brough home with her from Humboldt.
• Trey Anastasio at 4th and B was passable. Not nearly as mind-blowing as he was at the Aladdin with Jonathan back over Halloween. On a positive note, I was right up on the rail and merely 10 feet from one of the most energetic and entertaining performers capable of playing a 3+ hour show.
  
• To appease my mother, we all went to Disneyland for a 3 day mini-vacation. Crowds were massive, rides were rather dull, and the hotel we stayed at was complete shit. Would rather have been at home celebrating Christmas than with thousands of other morons who don't know how to walk in public at "the happiest place on Earth."
• I worked just about everyday including copious amounts of overtime in order to get various tasks for work done. This also includes 3 full days of training for some Microsoft program that I could have learned in about an hour.
• I tripped on some acid which was apparently a Christmas present from none other than Jessica.
• Best present of the Christmas holiday was my new Marshall MG 30w amp. Beautiful warm clean tone, monster loudness and distortion. Best of both worlds with the flip of a switch.
• Went snowboarding with Julie and nephew for my one and only snowboard outting this season. Snow sucked, mountain sucked, boots too tight and sucked. Was not the awesome conditions I had been dreaming of.
• Getting high and then listening to a full hour of LivePhish on the Sirius Jam_On station is now my favorite hobby at 4pm.
• New Years was nothing to write home about. I got drunk and was hungover the next day.
• Winter quarter begins tomorrow at UCSD and I am not looking forward to it. Thank god I'll only be there for 1 more quarter.
• Bonnaroo, Wakarusa, 10,000Lakes, and Burning Man have all announced their summer festival dates. Now I've finally got something to look forward to.
• I hate winter and I especially hate December and January. Bring on February.

Well, that pretty much sums up my month of December. What follow below are some random pictures taken by either myself, my sister, or some other random person who happened to be holding the camera at the time I was most likely drunk. Enjoy!




















Remember, the rest of these and all other pics can be found by pointing your browsers to: http://photos.yahoo.com/admsam420. Now onto some pics from Jessica and Disneyland with my wacky, senile family:



And just for kicks, here's a random Maggie licking Jessica in the eye action photo:

Cross-Eyed And Painless

So it's been kind of a long while. Over the Thanksgiving break I ended up buying a new car. Goodbye Max and hello Petey!



In the first photo you'll find Max (please disregard Trey's roof-top warrior pose) who has served not only me, but my entire family well. On the bottom photo you'll find the new Petey to take Max's place in the 200,000+mile/15+yr club. Allow me to introduce Petey: he is a 2001 black Nissan Sentra. Petey is a lot smaller than Max, both in terms of engine (he's only a 4 cylinder, compared to Max's V-6) as well as interior room. Although Petey is smaller than Max, don't let that fool you. The smaller engine revs up pretty nicely and the transmission is very smooth compared to the sketch, jerky gear shifting of Max. After serving both my family and myself for 15+years, it was time to start looking for a new mode of transportation and after some finagling at the dealership, I walked off the lot with a pretty good quality car at a decent price. The price was in fact so good, that I had enough cash left over to purchase a Sirius Satellite Radio. Since the installation, I have not even thought about turning on traditional "terrestrial" radio. Instead, I let commercial-free Sirius Channel 17, Jam_On (or Classic Vinyl, or 60s Vibrations, or Bluegrass, or the all-Rolling Stones channel) depending on the current mood do all the musical talking in my new car (not to mention the new and improved censor-less Howard Stern show come January). Please do yourself a favor and look into possibly getting a satellite radio, it'll absolutely change the way you listen to music in your car's radio.

With that said, let us all take a moment of silence to acknowledge Max's contribution to Vehiclular Society (afterall, he did schlep me around to my various LA auditions as a kid, provided reliable transportation to school in North Carolina for 3 years, and transported me and Trey from North Carolina to San Diego during our marathon Cross-Country trip (which was where the above pic was taken)).

R.I.P.
Max
1989-2005
Your reliable transport has served my life well. You'll always be remembered.

Now onto the update...

So last week during the Thankgiving holiday was well, interesting to say the least. After a typical day of awaiting the Thanksgiving Dinner feast my family and I got drunk. Whilst watching The Last Waltz as we scarfed on turkey and all the trimmings, my Dad, sister, and I were able to polish off 4 bottles of wine between the 3 of us. The highlight of the holiday came after dinner was served and finished. My Dad, probably from being drunk all day in addition to the 4 bottles he helped polish off suggested that we quote, "toke." Hmmm...this phrase caught me and my sister a little off guard to say the least. Was he kidding? Or, was he being serious? Apparently he was being serious and was offering to smoke up with my sister and myself. It gets better. My mother even offered to take a "toke" (yes, I understand their language is predated, but this is the exact word they used to describe the act of smoking pot). After attempting to extricate myself from the conversation on the basis that it was just too weird and awkward to hear about the drug activities of my parents' past, my sister took them up on the offer and proceeded to pack a big fat bowl. As it came time to "toke," my mom chickened out by reasoning that "toking would make me cough." And so my Dad, sister, and me all went outside in the backyard under the veil of the dark starry night and smoked a bowl. And yes, we came back into the house high as kites to the displeasure of my mother who was generally pissed off at the poor parenting skills of my Dad and we proceeded to watch the beautiful movie that is The Grateful Dead Movie together as one happy family.

Friday sucked as I woke up early (try 4am, still drunk AND high) to go to work. You see, at Nestor, the Friday after Thanksgiving is not considered a company holiday and because I did not ask for the day off ahead of time, I was expected to work. Ok. No big deal. So I decided to go in hella early just so I could get off hella early, to which I did. Man, Thanksgiving was fun, and that was of course augmented by the fact that my sister chose to come down and join us (along with bringing massive amounts of Humboldt Co. pot as well as baked "goodies" with her). Can't wait for her to come back home again in just a couple short weeks for Christmas...yay!...drug-fueled family gatherings at Disneyland over the Christmas holiday! Speaking of Disneyland...

Next week, I along with 3 other co-workers will be back East in Providence, RI for training for one day proceeded by our glorious Disneyworld vacation over all of next weekend. So yeah, after finals on Wednesday, I go back to company headquarters for a little training for a day and a 1/2, then fly down to Orlando to romp at Disneyworld for 3 days before coming home and joyously moving out of the shit-hole that is the apartment from hell that I absolutely hate. Should be fun. Pics and update to follow...yay!

That about does it. Only thing that sucks about going back East next week is that I'll be missing Umphrey's and 2 nights of Bob Weir and Ratdog, but that'll be made all better by one night of Trey on Tuesday at 4th and B...yay Trey! So, until we meet again.

Plant A Nail In The Navel Stream

Well, I could tell a long drawn-out, detailed and meaningless tale, or, I could just throw up a picture which has no relevance. I've decided to do the latter:

This picture actually serves two purposes. The first is the drunk showing-off of a finished six pack of yummy Hemp Ale. Yeah, you heard right...hemp. What drew me to the package in Beverages & More several days ago wasn't just the giant label that read 'HEMP ALE' and the pretty detailed drawings of several pot plants, but that the beer was brewed and manufactured in Arcata at the Humboldt Brewing Company. The city of Arcata, which houses Humboldt State University is where my sister, Jessica proudly attends. To find a beer brewed in her adopted hometown where marijuana and alcohol flow like wine (pun intended), made me salivate, to say the least...and so I picked up a pack and proceeded to get wasted before having one of my roommates snap the above photograph. Now, I know everyone is not lucky enough to be able to purchase Hemp Ale, and so I offer this brief list of beers that you should drink instead of piss water such as Bud Light:

• Karl Strauss Woodie Gold
• Karl Strauss Red Trolley Ale
• Flying Dog Old Scratch
• Flying Dog In-Heat Wheat
• Widmer Brothers Hefeweizen
• Carolina Blonde

That about does it for the list. The point of this is to make sure people aren't being tasteless bastards and drinking shit like Bud Light, Milwaukee's Best, or Icehouse. Jesus Christ, try something new and different with taste for a change...you'll be glad you did!..Anyway, I mentioned earlier that the above picture served 2 purposes. The second one is (which actually kinda goes with the first) is to celebrate Jessie's homecoming!...Yay!...was not sure if the little bitch would actually be coming home for Thanksgiving, but she and my parents decided that it would be best to spend the week at home with us...I couldn't be more stoked...ah, the good ol days of smoking pot out by the garage and then giggling in the kitchen while looking for food to eat for over an hour are here once again! Yay!


See ya soon.

Balancing Zeppelins On The End Of My Nose

So last Friday night, Veteran's Day, if you will, had my Ma, Pa, and myself downtown at Petco Park to see the incredible, beyond describable Rolling Stones. Spare me your "jesus, how fucking old are those trilobites?!" or, "fuck, how can you spend upwards of $450 for tickets?!", etc, etc rhetoric...ya know, the same old annoying phrases trendy hipsters use who don't understand the essence that is a fucking ROLLING STONES show...yeah, I paid $160/ticket x 3, but who the fuck cares?...it was a 35th anniversary present to my parents, and its the fucking ROLLING STONES--they deserve every damn penny...so, get over it...anyway, onto the show:

Since the tour began in Boston last August, I've been following the production closely. Thanks in part to the great community of Stones fans and online message boards, I was given an early taste of what to expect last Friday night. The stage--massive. Mick Jagger--speedfreak. The setlist--mediocre. Two of those things came to fruition, but, the setlist, was anything but mediocre...have a looksy:

1. Start Me Up
2. You Got Me Rocking
3. She's So Cold
4. Tumbling Dice
5. Oh No Not You Again
6. It Won't Take Long
7. As Tears Go By
8. Midnight Rambler
9. Rocks Off
10. Night Time Is The Right Time
    --- Inroductions
11. Slipping Away (Keith)
12. Infamy (Keith)
13. Miss You (to B-stage)
14. Rough Justice (B-stage)
15. Get Off Of My Cloud (B-stage stage)
16. Honky Tonk Women (to main stage)
17. Sympathy For The Devil
18. Brown Sugar
19. Jumping Jack Flash
20. You Can't Always Get What You Want (encore)
21. Satisfaction (encore)

That's right..."Tears Go By," "Midnight Rambler," "Rocks Off," in addition to every other warhorse song the band is known for...anything but mediocre...alas, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, so onto the events that unfolded last Friday:

So I got home after working all day, on a nationally recognized holiday, mind you, to find both my parents had the entire day off. After a little idle chit-chat we decided that it would be in the best interest to leave early from the house and get to the stadium early as this was the first concert ever held in the new downtown baseball stadium and many drivers from out of town would be wreaking chaos on the oneway streets of downtown, lost in confusion. After sitting through virtually NO traffic, and getting downtown in record time, we then had to find a parking space--yay!...so after driving around for nearly a 1/2hr, my dad just decides to park at some random lot like 6 blocks from the stadium without asking the price. When it comes time to pay, lo and behold he was ripped off and charged fucking $25, which for some reason he gladly paid...my mother was different story...freaking out, yelling, and causing quite a scene, as well as making the parking attendant guy quite uncomfortable, she made her point know to half the people milling around the lot. Wonderful way to start off an enjoyable evening!...my mother angry at my dad for spending $25 on parking...next came the restaurant bill...

So we ate at Hard Rock, it was packed and for some reason the bill seemed overpriced (maybe because of the concert?), but just more fodder for my mom to vent her economic frustrations over, while my dad tuning her out. Finally, we made it over to the stadium. After getting through the lax security of just one of those hand-held metal detector wands and me sneaking in 2 cameras, we had to go through the whole production of getting our special, "floor access wristbands." The point of the wristbands was to sort of exchange our tickets for these bright pink bracelets that allowed us to come and go from the field as we pleased...too bad it wasn't that easy, as everytime someone from the floor left to go to the main concourse, they had to show their bracelet, had to have it inspected (in case it was counterfit or something), THEN show their ticket...what a fucking hassle and add into the mix the drunkeness of the crowd and all the sudden the thing turns into some kind of mob revolt where the drunk people are getting pissed at the security people and the security people are getting pissed at the drunk people...poorly organized and planned, to say the least...but hey, we found our seats on the fucking floor, ahem, I mean, field probably about 40 rows back from the massive 9 story office building type stage. While we were waiting for opening act Toots and the Maytals to start, my mom gets on her high-horse about wanting some cheap lips/tongue, blinking red/blue magnetic pin, so as to fit in with the rest of the merchandise-wearing crowd...at this point my dad is quite drunk and so, long story short, he ends up breaking the pin and my mom is pissed for, "throwing $10 out the window!"...and now my dad and i are in for an earful over the incessant bitching of, "EXPENSIVE EVENING!"--over and over again.

So the opening band comes on right at 7 and proceed to get the crowd pissed off. Nobody cares for reggae at a Stones concert and that was evident by the chanting of STONES! STONES! STONES! whenever Toots wanted a crowd reaction from his banter with the crowd. All the opening band did was give me a headache, which was remedied by the expensive beers I was drinking. So finally, a cloud of smoke starts billowing from the inner-bowels of the stage and people start screaming thinking something is about to happen, but the lights in the stadium are still on, and the music heard over the PA is still playing...not yet. 10 minutes later, more smoke...not yet. 20 minutes later, more smoke...not yet. Finally, after close to 45 minutes the lights were killed and, yes, more smoke...then, BANG!...huge explosions of fire and pyrotechnic fireworks and the opening chords of "Start Me Up" and Mick Jagger running from one end of the probably 50 yard stage length to the other, like the true speedfreak he is. In all honesty, the music did nothing for me. The highlight of the entire night was just watching Mick run all over the place like some coked up monkey...for 2 and 1/2 hours, the guy didn't stop moving. The whole production was just amazing. The first couple of songs were done a little sloppy and the band didn't seem to be in very good form until bam, "Midnight Rambler," probably my favorite Stones tune of all time, and finally they hit their stride and everybody's digging it. The sound was pretty good, but what was so killer was the giant video screen, the 9 story office building-type stage with boxes that had people standing in them looking down on the band, and the moving second stage...oh yeah...

So after a brief set by Keith (presumably so Mick could catch his breath for a couple of minutes, and everyone in attendance could get more beer and merchandise) Mick comes back with a guitar and a Madonna-type microphone for "Miss You." Cool song, not one of my personal faves, but then all the sudden, the little stage that the 6 of them were standing on started to move, a la some kind of out of this world parade float. So for the entire song, the band are jumping around and playing as they start gliding over the audience to the small stage some 20 feet away from our seats...pure awesomeness!...and so they did a couple of songs some 12 seats to the left of our seats, indescribable!...just look at those pictures:


Alright, and now some pics of the massive-ness of the main stage complete with giant 60ft video screen:

And so yeah, the show fucking rocked. World's Greatest Rock Band, indeed. If any of you ever have the chance, no matter the price, get yourself out to see these awesome guys before they finally do decide to retire for like the 8th time...it's an experience in and of itself. Alright, I think I've covered pretty much everything that happened, without going into a song-by-song synopsis and review. Just read the setlist, look at the pics, and understand that the Rolling Stones ARE the world's greatest rock band...period.




*Sad Face*: Arrested Development is now cancelled. Morons who watch television just don't get it, do they? How's about another episode of some barf, like Will & Grace?

Oh Help Me! Please Doctor, I'm Damaged

Whoa, the servants they're so helpful, dear
The cook she is a whore
Yes, the butler has a place for her
Behind the pantry door
The maid, she's French, she's got no sense
She's wild for Crazy Horse
And when she strips, the chauffeur flips
The footman's eyes get crossed
-"Live With Me," Let it Bleed (1969)

**Stones at Petco Park in just 2 short days.**

Yeah, you wish you were me.

Parachute Woman, Will You Blow Me Out?

Oh the singer(1.), he looks angry
At being thrown to the lions
And the bass player(2.), he looks nervous
About the girls outside

And the drummer(3.), he's so shattered
Trying to keep on time
And the guitar players(4.) look damaged
They've been outcasts all their lives

-"Jigsaw Puzzle," Beggar's Banquet (1968)

(1.) Mick Jagger
(2.) Bill Wyman
(3.) Charlie Watts
(4.) Keith Richards/Brian Jones

Thus, starts the countdown to the Stones at Petco Park Friday. Expect to find nothing of substenance here other than insanely-awesome kickass Stones lyrics from seminal albums, Beggar's Banquet, Let it Bleed, Sticky Fingers, and Exile on Main St., for the next 4 days. Enjoy!

I rule. Any questions?

Isn't It A Pity? Now, Isn't It A Shame?

If those of you who actually read this read the Comments link as well, you may have noticed the comment posted by a "JE" stating something to the like of, "Seeing George Harrison at the Vegoose festival should've of been one of your top moments, considering he is dead." After some much consideration and thought to this comment, I decided that that was in fact a major highlight of the entire weekend. Think I'm kidding? I kid you not:

If the great George Harrison was able to survive an in-home knife attack by a derranged fan, shouldn't he be capable of surviving lung cancer and presumably end up at the great Vegoose Festival over Halloween weekend?...I mean spirits and the deceased are said to be omnipresent, and considering this fact, Jonathan and I not only saw him at Trey's show the night before at the Aladdin, but he was also seen wandering around the stadium, then sat down in front of us during String Cheese Incident's set, which thanks to Jonathan's quick reflexes and photography skills was able to capture the above image for posterity. Not only does the spirit of George Harrison live on, but apparently his physical state of being does as well.

Leigh Fordham Sold Me Out, 46 Days And The Coal Ran Out

Jesus Fucking Christ! is all can say to describe my wonderful Vegoose/Vegas weekend this past Halloween. I mean what can I say? 45+bands. In Las Vegas. With Jonathan Eadie. During Halloween weekend. Once again, in the spirit and inarticulate nature of describing the transcendence of Bonnaroo, you'll just have to read the highlights and look at the pics for a miniscule idea of the kind of awesome weekend of kickass music Jonathan and I had the pleasure of seeing. But of course, words and pics do not fully describe what went on, and the only thing I can say to all of you, is you'll just have to experience it for yourself. Anyways, here are the highlights, in no particular order:

1. Jonathan Eadie deciding to fly more than 2,000 miles to join me in Las Vegas (and subsequently, out of his hole in Boone).
2. Las Vegas during Halloween weekend.
3. Winning $30 off of a quarter in an airport slot machine.
4. Living it up at the Motel 6 next door to the Tropicana.
5. Open beverage container laws that allow drinking and walking in broad daylight.
6. Seeing the remote and desolate areas of Vegas where local hookers get murdered while on the way to the unattainable In & Out Burger.
7. Rita Rudner--"Where do I know you from?!"
   
8. Trey. Trey. Trey. Trey.
9. Hippies lining up through the Aladdin casino making drug deals before Trey.
10. Tripping during Trey.
11. Enlightenment/musical ecstasy/un-sexual orgasm during AND after Trey.
12. Did I mention Trey?
13. Hippies walking up and down the Las Vegas Strip in contrast to the yuppie fashionable fratboys and their slutty girlfriends with big tits out on the town to Light and Ghostbar.
14. The never-ending call of VEGOOSE! anywhere one went.
15. Riding the pimped-out air conditioned Vegoose Shuttles out to Sam Boyd Stadium and drinking.
16. Laissez-faire security at the entrance to the stadium.
17. Well-planned and well-executed setup and organization of everything Vegoose.
18. Laying out on the well manicured grass under the warm sun listening to North Mississippi Allstars.
19. Dropping 6 hits of acid at 3 in the afternoon.
20. String Cheese Incident while coming up on said acid inside the stadium.
21. Smoking passed around joints from 40 year olds.
    
22. Gov't Mule's cover of "No Quarter" while eating cheese fries tripping.
23. Phil Lesh and Friends on acid.
24. Joan Osborne singing with Phil Lesh on "Sugaree" while on acid.
    
25. Joan Osborne, Phil Lesh, and Warren Haynes doing awesome "Shakedown Street," and "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away" while on acid.
26. Beck and his Boy Scouts-themed campfire set.
27. The Great Evil Pumpkin.
28. Dave and Friend's closing set, which consisted of a number of covers with Trey and Tim Reynolds, including, "Tell Me Something Good," "Rocky Mountain Way," and "Hey Bulldog," as well as a duo with Trey on perennial Phish favorite, "Bathtub Gin."
29. Raiding the Motel 6 convenience store.
30. Going solo to all shows on Sunday.
31. Shakedown Street and the vendors in the parking lot.
32. Patchwork shorts!
33. Sneaking in a sixpack with no questions asked by security.
34. Umphreys in the sun.
35. WEEN!
36. Deaner and Gener.
    
37. FLAMING LIPS!
38. Wayne Coyne crowd surfing in a giant inflatable bubble.
39. Furry animal suits and hand puppets during the Lips.
40. "Bohemian Rhapsody" crowd sing-along.
41. Huge balloon balls bouncing with streamers and confetti flying.
42. Widespread Panic drunk.
43. Trey and Panic jamming on "Mississippi."
44. Panic's never-ending set.
45. Elation while walking out of the stadium.

Best. Weekend. Ever. Now, please don't misunderstand me. This inaugural Vegoose weekend was nothing like Bonnaroo and it was in no way better. But, for the bands that played, the music that was appreciated by everyone, and the well-planned organization and execution made this one hell of a festival that I will surely be back for again next year. I took a lot of pictures, most whilst high/drunk/tripping, so feel free to have a gander and be jealous by what Jonathan and I were fortunate to do. Here's a small sampling:

Other than this awesome past weekend, nothing else too too exciting...other than the fucking Rolling Stones next Friday--on the floor...proceeded by Trey next month, then Umphreys, then Bob Weir and Ratdog. Ah, this fall concert lineup makes me salivate/orgasm. Alright, I'm done writing. Until later.

Fingers Weave Quick Minarets, Speak In Secret Alphabets, I Light Another Cigarette, Lest You Forget

Mutilated lips give a kiss on the wrist

Of the worm-like tips of tentacles expanding in my mind

I'm fine, accepting only fresh brine

You can get another drop of this, yeah, you wish

Ah yes, Ween in just 9 short days...see ya there, Jonathan.

What Are They Doing In The Hyacinth House?

So tonight I finally sat down and watched Napoleon Dynamite. Apparently somewhere along the way between Citizen Kane, The Godfather, and Schindler's List, this film became the defining voice of a generation and the culminating achievement of cinema of the early 21st century. Of course by this hyperbole I'm referring to the overly-hyped, much talked about, and much laughed about movie that everyone and their brother can't fucking shut up about. What is so brilliant about this lame movie? Allow me to offer a quick synopsis to those of you reading who may not have seen this film, and further, shouldn't bother wasting your time:

Gawky teenager Napoleon Dynamite walks around and talks to people.
Roll credits.

There you have it. No plot. No conflict. No emotional catharsis. And this is supposedly the best movie of 2004. Please do yourself and everyone else a favor and instead of numbing your brain watching this moron walk around saying stupid shit, go watch a film worth investing your time. And so for your consideration I offer the following suggestions of movies better than this crap released in 2004:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Sideways
Kill Bill Vol. 2
Fahrenheit 9/11
Million Dollar Baby
Ray
Super Size Me

And yeah, I'll admit it for it's understanding of the drug counterculture to which I can relate to:

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Please do yourself a favor and watch these movies; and do me a favor by stop quoting fucking Napoleon Dynamite (damn, I've had it with that shit, already...(same annoying vein as people walking around saying, "WHAT'S MY NAME, BITCH!"))...alright I'm done ranting now and if you disagree with any of my above comments, feel free to send me life threatening hate mail to my unlisted address, or, better, just leave a comment. Over and out.